Chase Utley Plays in Extended Spring Training Game.

Chase Utley played in his first baseball game since last season this afternoon. The Philadelphia Phillies played the New York Yankees in this spring game where Chase Utley went 3-4 with a home run, a double and a single. Even though this is just a spring training game its great news. Let’s hope he can get his ass to Philadelphia so we can have a 2nd baseman in our lineup who hits over .240. Slow and steady Chase, were ready when you are.


Two Phillie players who deserve to square away on their teammates.

The Philadelphia Phillies are obviously off to a slow start right now. It’s been ugly, I mean real ugly. It’s obvious not having Chase Utley and Ryan Howard in the lineup is hurting us. However, this team still has to find a way to stay in the race until we get our studs back, and then even when they do come back hope that they are ready to jump into the fire. Even with the slow start the Phillies still have a 19-19 record and only 4.5 games back. All this being said, there are 2 Phillies that should be able to kick the rest of the team in the dick. The only 2 Phillies that have been producing with not much to show for.

  1. Carlos “Chooch” Ruiz- I decided to take Joe Blantons “Man With The Golden Dick Award” away and give it to Chooch. Choochs defense is obvious, and at this point almost expected. That’s why he has this job in Philly. Any offense you got from Chooch in the past was icing on the cake, but Chooch said fuck that. Chooch has been a stud at the plate. He’s batting .343, he has 7 dingers which already surpassed last year’s total of 6, he’s recorded 24 RBI’s where last year he had a total of 40 and his OBP is .388. Chooch has been carrying this offense single handedly. Chooch has my permission to kick everyone else in their dick, except….
  2. Cliff Lee- How does a starting pitcher that is considered one of the best in the league with 0 wins this season make my list you ask me? Well listen up. Cliff has pitched in 5 games so far this year, missing some due to an injury. However, with 0 wins his ERA is at 1.95, his WHIP is .76. and recording 24 K’s and only 4 BB. He’s been dominate on the mound. He lost a god-damn game 0-1 for God’s sake. He has had no offense to back him up with the obvious exception of CHOOOOOOCH.

To be quite honest the only other Phillies I thought about putting on this list was Joe Blanton and Cole Hammels. Both have been fantastic. So maybe this is just my biased opinion, but when your killing the ball but nobody is on base and your pitching a gem but nobody is scoring for you that has to be frustrating. Chooch and Cliff, things will turn around. It’s just a matter of time before you get your best friends back in Utley and Howard. Just hang in there, hold on tight and keep at it. As for the rest of you Phillies, close your eyes, spread your legs and brace yourself. You have 2 kicks the dick coming your way.


More then likely, Pat Burrelled your girl.


The man, the myth the legend. Pat the Bat Burrell will return to Philadelphia to retire as a Phillie on Saturday May 19th. There has been many wise tales about Pat Burrell roaming the streets late at night laying the wood on young beautiful women. I came across this video today and I just want to say thank you to This is pure gold. To all you ladies out there, “How’s it feel to fuck Pat Burrell”. Men, keep your women close to you at all times. Their Vajayjay depends on it.

Philadelphia fans are the worst because… because.

If you ask me I don’t believe there is anything better than watching your favorite teams live in person. You jam a car filled up with all your friends, grab a six-pack, some dogs and burgers and grill before. It sets the perfect tone and gets your mind off of everything in “the real world”. For that time nothing else matters but what you’re doing right then and there.

Everything is going soooo great and its almost like nothing can go wrong. Well that’s until Joe Schmoe comes along and didn’t like the fact that you didn’t get potato rolls for the hot dog you gave him. Not only is Joe Schmoe mad you didn’t purchase potato rolls but now he’s angry you didn’t give him a beer. Joe Schmoe is about ready to throw down over his God damn potato rolls and free lager. The thing is Joe Schmoe is everywhere.

As a Philadelphia fan its to the point where it cracks me up whenever I hear “That’s Philadelphia for you!”. It cracks me up because obviously all this stuff that happens only happens in Philly, not anywhere else. Here are some of my favorites of all time.

  • We threw snowballs at Santa.
  • We Booed Donovan McNabb.
  • When Michael Irvin got cart off the field due to a serious injury which was eventually the end of his career.
  • We beat up a New York Ranger’s fan at Genos for being a New York Rangers fan.
  • They had use a taser on that kid who ran onto the field.

Only in Philadelphia does ALL of this stuff happen.

It made me think of it today when I watched a video of a Boston Red Sox fan get kicked in the face, trip backwards, and fall 3 rows to the ground. Watch video below. (Is it wrong that I laughed afterwards?) When I watched it my first thought was thank God it wasnt in Philadelphia, because we would never hear the end of this viral video. Then my second thought was THIS IS BULL SHIT! if it was Philadelphia we wouldn’t hear the end of it!

Shit get’s real at the 1:15 mark.

The fact is shit happens everywhere. You really could make a book of the terrible things that happen at ball parks or stadiums, just ask Brian Stow. If you don’t know the name, google him im sure you have heard the story. It is unfortunate but the sad truth is it doesn’t matter what city you’re in shit could hit the fan, even at a Charlotte Bobcats game and they only get 100 fans in that stadium all rooting for the other team.

Philadelphia is loud, passionate and has a bad track record. We all know the stupid shit our fans have done. I get it, Santa loves kids. The fact is anywhere you go fans will boo when they arent happy about something, fans will make terrible alcohol driven decisions and fans will be loud and passionate. If you’re trying to prevent any of these things from happening to you just make sure you get the God damn potatoe rolls and nobody gets hurt.

Phillies struggle early out West, finish strong.

The Philadelphia Phillies opened up their West Coast trip in San Fran while wrapping it up yesterday afternoon in Arizona. The Phillies lost the series to San Fran 2-1. They split the series with probably the only other team that has a worse offense then us right now in the San Diego Padres 2-2. Thank God they went to Arizona to finish up the series where their bats came to life and won it 2-1.

To start the West Coast swing the Phillies offense had a terrible case of whiskey dick. It’s hard to imagine with sluggers such as Laynce Nix, Ty Wigginton and Freddy Galvis in their line-up that they would struggle at the plate. Luckily the final 2 games in Arizona the Phillies decided to take a heavy dose of Viagra and all of a sudden the whiskey dick went away. The Phillies finished their last 2 games with a total of 25 hits and 15 runs. It will be a nice change of scenery once Pence, Polanco, Rollins and Victorino get their shit together and the Phillies finally start hitting. Tomorrow they start their 4 game series out in Chicago against the Cubs.